Planning for Missed Events
Missing a child’s event due to a work obligation is difficult for any caregiver – but it can be especially challenging for first responders, where schedules are often unpredictable. Despite these professional responsibilities, family life continues, and special events don’t pause to accommodate the job.”
Being Strategic with Paid Time Off
Many first responder families tell us that they plan the days when they will use Paid Time Off (PTO) well in advance of any special event. They make sure to focus their PTO on what is most important to their family. Here are some examples of special events where families plan to use PTO:
- Children’s birthdays
- Anniversaries
- Graduations
- Holidays, or the days close to those holidays
- Full weeks off when school is out to allow for the opportunity to schedule vacations or family time
Being Flexible in Terms of Dates
It is well understood that first responders work on holidays to keep our communities safe. Because of this, families may find it helpful to identify which holidays or special events are most meaningful to them and plan accordingly. However, many others on the job may request those same days off—such as Thanksgiving or Christmas—which means some families may face disappointment. That’s why it’s important to have a back-up plan, such as celebrating the holiday when everyone is available, even if it is not on the exact day that it appears on the calendar.
Planning for When a Parent Misses Your Child’s Special Event
Birthdays
Sometimes, a first responder will be working on a child’s birthday. Here are some options for dealing with a child’s disappointment:
- Multiple birthday celebrations: Why limit the celebration to one day? Have a “birthweek” to allow for multiple celebrations. They may celebrate with their friends on their actual birthday and then have a second celebration on a day when the entire family is available.
- If the above alternative is not possible, a special celebration with the first responder and their child can create special one-on-one moments that make the occasion meaningful. For example, staying up late to watch a favorite movie together, or a special outing to mark the day. These small, dedicated moments can help maintain strong connections, even when traditional family celebrations aren’t possible.
Special Events (Sports/Shows/Graduations/etc.)
First responders often have limited advance notice to request time off for a child’s special event. Here are some ideas to help deal with a child’s disappointment:
- Viewing party for the recording of what was missed (popcorn, favorite snacks, etc.)
- FaceTime while the event is going on.
- If the event is something that requires practice or rehearsal, be part of the preparation process
- Baseball games – go to the batting cages a couple days before
- Concert or play – help the child run lines or be a viewing party for when they practice
Tip – Use a compliment sandwich if you want to provide feedback about your child’s performance.- You are working so hard (compliment), with a little more practice you will get that (line, high note, etc.), I know you can do it (compliment and encouragement). Note – if it is too late for more practice, then just stick with a compliment (Example – I am so proud of you for trying something new and getting out of your comfort zone).
Last Minute Mandatory Overtime
Most emergencies and disasters are unexpected events and often require first responders to report for mandatory overtime, upending family routines. These unexpected interruptions are typically hardest on families. In order to minimize distress, having a pre-established plan in place can be very useful. We call this a rainy day plan, and developing it in advance, when the entire family can participate, is highly recommended.
The Rainy Day Plan – is Plan B when Plan A cannot occur. For example, a family beach day may get rained out so what is the back-up plan (a movie, an escape room, etc.)? The idea is that the family can still have fun even if the original event did not occur.
In the case of mandatory overtime that interferes with a family event, the rainy day plan is an agreement that even if the first responder cannot attend the actual event, there will be a later opportunity for a special activity. Below is an example of a Rainy Day Plan you can use to plan ahead:
Links to printable and editable Rainy Day Plans.
Below is an example of a Rainy Day Plan to use when something unexpected occurs and you do not already have Rainy Day Plan in place. Also, Rainy Day Plans can always be updated as children grow and interests change.
Below are downloadable templates to several different Rainy Day Plans, feel free to print them or complete them on a tablet, smart phone, or computer.
For more information check out Dr. Ellen Kirschman’s tips for missed events.